Here is the question from last week:
When a man gives to a woman, her best response is to …
a. not give back, just tell him how grateful she is
b. give back a little while telling him how grateful she is
c. give back as much while telling him how grateful she is
d. give back more, so he’ll know how much his giving meant to her
About 50% of you got it right and many of us got it very wrong. The answer is a, just say thank you. According to Gray, men and women respond differently hormonally to receiving and therefore react differently. When a woman gives to another woman, the recipient usually responds in kind. It feels good for her to give back to her female friend. It makes more estrogen and she becomes more feminine.
This is not the case in a male-female relationship. In Gray’s words, “The more you give, the less he’ll give.” When he gets too much estrogen, it can lead to depression. Meanwhile, he’ll assume you’re giving from your surplus and are therefore happy and content. In general, men don’t like to expend unnecessary energy, as they highly value efficiency.
This not-giving-back will be a hard habit for me to break. Just the other day I received a wonderful compliment on my TEDx talk from someone I admire. After thanking him, instead of just receiving, I immediately complimented him! I have a lot to learn and am excited to integrate these new insights.
OK, here is the question for this week:
It’s better for the relationship if…
a. he talks more than she does
b. she talks more than he does
c. both talk about the same amount
d. how much doesn’t matter, it’s what you talk about