For 30 years I’ve coached my readers and audiences to own their power, and not give it away to feeling like a victim. (The Power Pyramid)
Meanwhile, I’ve encouraged you to feel all your mads and sads. (High-Way 4) And even gave anger a new name: Angergy – energy for change.
But lately I’ve seen my anger rise up more often. So when I read John Gray’s statement that “All anger is a form of blame,” I had to take a moment to feel into it. Does ongoing anger require feeling like a victim?
Sure enough, it does. Now if we’re truly Magnificent Manifasters of our own reality, and “We were all doing the best we could at the time with the information we had” (High-Way 6), then where does blame fit in? Does it make sense to blame myself or them for not knowing better?
“But they SHOULD know!” Ah, but they don’t. (High-Way 3) So what is the good of shoulding?
“Blaming requires looking for the reasons
we don’t feel good. That’s wasted effort.
Just choose thoughts that feel good.
Blame never does.”
On a personal note, I am taking a course from John Gray (the Men are from Mars
author) and realizing 1) that I have often blamed men for things they were just doing instinctively, and 2) how men and women are radically different in our coping mechanisms and needs.
I’m so excited about what I’m learning that my upcoming weekly emails will be a series on “8 to Great Meets Gender Differences: How Relationships Really Work.” If you know of someone who would like to improve their relationship or would like to be in one, let them know they can receive the simply startling messages I’ll be sharing by texting 8togreat to 22828.
Then each week, I’ll answer a question from a Relationships Quiz I’ve created. Here is the question I will answer next week:
#22. If, while she is talking, he looks distracted, her best response is:
a. Stop talking
b. Ask him why he’s not listening
c. Ask him if he’s thinking
d. Ask him what he’s thinking about